i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
