I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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