i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
