I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
