dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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