i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
