So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
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the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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