Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
