The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
