You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
