I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
