I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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