Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
