Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
