You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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