Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
