By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
