So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize