my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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