turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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