the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
