How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All the doctor said was why
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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