You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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