i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
