Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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