Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
