Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize