I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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