my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Couch. On fire.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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