I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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