No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
