I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
