am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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