Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
