I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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