chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
