We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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