Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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