i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong