Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on