My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up