Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
