Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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