You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i now understand why vodka
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?