wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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