he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
