I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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