I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
