I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize