Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
