I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
