Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize