why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
