I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
