My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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