This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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