My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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