People in love make me want to vomit
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
