Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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