oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
