I didn't shave. On purpose
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
