I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
