We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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