why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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