No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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