After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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