i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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