Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
