i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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