just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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